Blissful and Domestic - Creating a Beautiful Life on Less: Mommy Notes: Know You Matter

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Mommy Notes: Know You Matter

 photo Sunrise_zps9a254c6c.jpg

I wasn't planning on having a post today. Last night I spent most of my time folding laundry, organizing our filing cabinet, and catching up on Glee episodes (I'm still on season 3. How did I get so behind?) There wasn't a whole lot of blogging going on. But after watching an episode of Glee, my heart felt heavy and I knew I needed to share. Last night I watched the episode On My Way. It is the one where Karaofsky attempts suicide. He had been bullied at school and it became too much. This broke my heart into pieces. How do we get to the point where we feel we can't go on? How do we decide that leaving everything behind is a better option than living for the next rainbow? I know we all know someone who has been bullied or is being bullied. I know we all know someone or have known someone who has felt less than perfect. Maybe it was a friend, maybe it is ourselves, or maybe it is our child. What do we do when that happens? I hope that we remind them that no matter what they matter. That no matter what it is they are going through, it will get better.

This world can be a very ugly place and it is up to us to try and bring as much beauty into it as possible. As I watched the episode, Karofsky begins to cry. I was glued to the screen, knowing what was going to happen...but hoping I was wrong. I know it is just a TV show and he is just a man playing a character, but someone.....somewhere has been at that point. I wanted to scream at the TV that he mattered. That he was important. It got me thinking.....Do I tell my friends and family how important they are? Sometimes it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes that tunnel is really long and we don't know how long it will take to get to the other side. Whether it is our children struggling or it is us, I pray we can see the light. I pray that we can know that we all matter. That we are all important to God. Whether you believe in him or not, He loves you and you have great value.

I pray that we will reach out to our friends today and let them know how much they mean to us. Someone, somewhere is having a rough day. With my hubby training, our days can be long and stressful. I am thankful for brotherinlaws who text to check up on their sister. I am thankful for dear friends who visit and let me crash their party (Becky you rock!).

No matter what, it is up to us to allow God to work through us to serve others. I pray today your burdens may be light. I pray we will listen and reach out to others when we feel prompted.

I am always thankful to you lovelies, who come here each day. I know I tell you this like every week, but I never want you to doubt it. To the moon and back you rock!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"
-Gandi

XO Danielle





16 comments:

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    1. Thanks Tiffany. Its definitely from the heart.

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  2. Oh my you touched me deeply with this one...you see we lost my beloved stepson 3 yrs ago to suicide. No he wasn't bullied. He suffered from depression and at 19 decided ending his life was easier than living it. He left behind shattered parents and siblings (both by blood and by love) wondering what we could have done differently. What else we could have done to show him how much he was loved and how much he mattered to everyone. He was saved by the Lord and I know we will be together again but oh how I miss him today. I so wish I could have watched him get married and I miss the grandchildren I will never get to hold from him. I miss watching him become the man he would have been...my prayer today is for those out there hurting and thinking about suicide. Please don't...it will get better if you just hold on...

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    1. I am so sorry for your lost and will keep your family in my prayers. I pray this post will help others. Thank goodness for God's plan and knowing you will see your sweet boy again.

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    2. First, I am truly sorry for your loss. Second, I wanted to let you know from his perspective, that there is nothing you could have done. i have been there. I don't even know how many times I attempted to end my own life during those dark teen years. I could wax poetic about how dark it was, how I knew how much my Mom loved me, or how hard it would be for my bratty siblings to lose the reasonable one who always got them out of trouble, or how lost I felt, how ending it really did seem like the only way to feel, well, just FEEL. Not even better, it was so dark. I survived, but not for lack of trying. In fact, had I not gotten pregnant at 19, and found my reason to live, I'm sure I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on about me. I just wanted you to know that he did know you loved him, and there is honestly NOTHING you could have done to save him. <3

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  3. I'm speechless (not a bad thing) and I am just crying... I have attempted suicide and still feel like I don't want to go on anymore, financial issues, mental issues, feeling so alone even in a crowded room.. its so much to handle.. almost too much to handle. My three babies (and my husband too, but especially my babies) are what keeps me fighting that this is worth it. But when you feel like you cant go on anymore you even talk yourself into feeling like your kids and husband.. family and friends.. they just deserve better than you.. I know this because I feel it so much. its hard to struggle and feel so alone while dealing with it.. sorry I know you don't know me but maybe that was a little insight into what goes on in suicidal minds.

    Diannia - I am so sorry that you lost your stepson to suicide. I hope that you know that there isn't anything that anyone could have done to make him feel differently. Most of suicidal people have a chemical imbalance and when you are feeling so down and you are in that moment, you give into that feeling.. you don't want to hurt anymore, you don't want to struggle anymore.. its an inner fight every single day, every single moment.. and you just can't handle it anymore.. He is watching over you and I am certain that he loved every single one of you with everything he had..

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    1. Hi Desiree. I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I have been there, and also still struggle some days. It's hard, and some days, the only thing that keeps me here, is I don't want my children to blame themselves, my husband to go back to drugs, or for any of them to be the ones to find me. Sad, I know, and more pressure on me, but it works. I've taken medications, but they made me not care at all, which for someone who battles apathy anyway, is dangerous. I need to care, or I will find a way. You're right about it being a chemical thing. My mom attempted suicide many times when I was growing up, then me. I pray so hard every day that I never show my children that dark place, and that they never feel that way. I pray someday they figure out what people like us are missing, and find a way to fix it, without all the side effects that are in every current med on the market =/

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  4. I'm speechless (not a bad thing) and I am just crying... I have attempted suicide and still feel like I don't want to go on anymore, financial issues, mental issues, feeling so alone even in a crowded room.. its so much to handle.. almost too much to handle. My three babies (and my husband too, but especially my babies) are what keeps me fighting that this is worth it. But when you feel like you cant go on anymore you even talk yourself into feeling like your kids and husband.. family and friends.. they just deserve better than you.. I know this because I feel it so much. its hard to struggle and feel so alone while dealing with it.. sorry I know you don't know me but maybe that was a little insight into what goes on in suicidal minds.

    Diannia - I am so sorry that you lost your stepson to suicide. I hope that you know that there isn't anything that anyone could have done to make him feel differently. Most of suicidal people have a chemical imbalance and when you are feeling so down and you are in that moment, you give into that feeling.. you don't want to hurt anymore, you don't want to struggle anymore.. its an inner fight every single day, every single moment.. and you just can't handle it anymore.. He is watching over you and I am certain that he loved every single one of you with everything he had..

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    1. Desiree-thank you for your words of encouragement. I do realize he had a chemical imbalance and feel so badly we couldn't/didn't do what it took to make it better. Please please keep fighting. I know without a doubt that you are who God wants to be there for your husband and children. They love you and they NEED YOU! Don't listen to the negative talk in your head...that's not from God. You are precious in His sight. He wants the best for you and your family. Keep strong!

      Diannia

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  5. Nice reminder and shared in a positive way. You rock, too!

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  6. Oh my gosh. On America's Got Talent there is a singer that was kicked out of his house, and wanted to be on the show to prove/know he matters. I cried. My husband didn't understand why i teared up, but i just thought "i hope my daughter never feels that way." Everyone matters, and i totally get what your post said so beautifully. My heart goes out to you ladies who posted above. On a side note, i totally get that caught up in Glee as well and cry watching that show. It may have been pregnancy hormones, but least year i cried almost every episode i watched during maternity leave.

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  7. I love this post. It was shared in a very positive light. I try my best to make sure that all of my family and friends know that I love them and that I care about them.

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  8. I love your blog. I always feel so comfortable and at home reading your posts. That being said, this post did bring tears to my eyes. Jan of 2009 my husband and father of my (at the time 3 month old daughter) committed suicide. He suffered from depression but there wasnt any blaring signs that it had hit that point. I think back to that time and I remember thinking, how can I go on? How can I take care of this tiny baby all by myself? I will never love or trust again. I had so many feelings and I never thought I would be able to get over it. I was done. Amazingly I have such a strong, supportive and amazing family that I was overcome with love. I pushed them away for quite a few months after. Looking back now 4 1/2 years later, I cant believe where I am at. My daughter will be 5 next month. She is healthy, happy, and perfect. I have a wonderful guy in my life. I am no where near ready to get married because I still have some of those tensions I need to workout before, but I dont think I could ask for anyone more supportive in my life and who loves my daughter as his own.
    In April, my boyfriends best friend killed himself. He was very in toxicated, and had gotten in a fight with his girlfriend that night. He was very self-concious and had drinking problems and a girlfriend who was less than helpful and young. Looking at him and having to give him that news was heartbreaking. Can you imagine? Being on the other side of a situation you are all the familiar with? Looking at him, I felt like I was looking at my self almost 5 years ago and I was in shock. What do I do? How do I talk to him? I immedietly called my mom, in tears, and told her the news. She cried. It was so hard for her to imagine trying to console the man I love, knowing she had a few years ago done the same for me.
    Its been a rough few months trying to work past it, and its still a shock when he gets to think about it. Suicide is something people sometimes talk about as a joke. Its not. Its not always right there in front of you that someone is feeling that low about themselves. And I learned that, (even thought it took years) that you dont have to feel guilty. I dont believe those ads that say "you can prevent suicide" becasue i dont think thats true. But you can work through it whether you are the one comtemplating that or you are the one dealing with the aftermath of a loved one taking there own life. Everyone is different, but being the lowest I can with having found the man I loved, dead and having taken his own life, there isnt much lower you can go. There is always someone there for you. Someone to listen, and someone to help.
    I know I rambeled a bit but I watched that episode of Glee and felt such a rush of emotion so to see your post about the topic, I wanted to share. :)

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  9. I don't watch Glee (not big on musicals) but the way you talked about this episode was very well said.
    I attempted suicide numerous times as a teen, and my Mom before me, so I'm of the notion that it's chemical, and possibly hereditary. That being said, I pray every day that my children never see that side of me, and that they never feel that way. If they do, I hope I see it. I was so lost that, one time, I was cooking with my mom, hugged her, told her I was tired, and going to skip supper (I was also anorexic at the time) walked into the living room, got my Dads Lortab bottle, poured all but a few into my hand, grabbed the Tylenol PM, and ate them all with the beer he left sitting out. It's a miracle I'm here now, but that's how lost I was. I loved my Mom more than the world, but I was TIRED. Tired of not feeling, or feeling not good enough, unpretty, ugly, alone, whatever. I was in a dark hole, and not waking up seemed like the best way for me. It's been over 10 years since my last serious attempt, and I still struggle sometimes.
    A friend lost her cousin a few weeks ago, and then seeing this tonight, plus all the other kids who are killing themselves, it rips my heart out. I know how they feel, and I also know that life will never be easy for them, even if they do fight those voices, but I know that it's worth it. I want to hug each of you that has been on either end of this disease, and every kid that can't see past that moment. I wish we could all just see the beauty of us. There are some ugly things in this world, and, sadly, many of them live in us, but there are some beautiful and amazing things, too, and more of them live in us than the ugly stuff, if we only push through it. Love is the answer. Stop bullying, start listening, and show the ones you love, and anyone that you think may be in that hole that they matter. They were created for a purpose by an all powerful God, and it won't always be easy, but all the best stuff comes out of adversity - diamonds, mountains, faith, strength.... Sorry I rambled, and maybe it doesn't make sense (I seriously doubt it flows as well as it did in my head) but if anyone ever feels like there is no way out, my email is open (boughtbytheultimatesacrifice@gmail.com) <3

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