Blissful and Domestic - Creating a Beautiful Life on Less: My Dear Brother: Remembering You

Thursday, January 9, 2014

My Dear Brother: Remembering You

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It's funny how life goes sometimes. It can change without a moments notice. Something or someone who was always there can be taken away and we are forever changed. Our life becomes altered and we don't know how to move forward. It's odd because although we don't know how to move forward, the world does. The sun continues to shine, the days move forward, and whether we like it or not, we move forward as well. Since my dear brother passed away 8 weeks ago, my life has changed. To be honest, most people probably wouldn't even notice. I still get up each morning and take care of little kids. I'm still a wife, a mother, a daughter, but my world has changed.

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My brother was taken suddenly from this life. No sickness or accident to cause alarm to a pending end. Just one day he was here and the next he had passed away. It's heart breaking to even write that. For the past few weeks I feel like I have been going through the motions. Allowing God to lead me because I knew I couldn't move on my own. A part of me is gone and it breaks my heart.

I cry everyday for my brother, for the memories we won't have an oppurtunity to make. A piece of my childhood is gone. Every childhood memory has him in it. He was my big brother. He was the one who watched Karate Kid with me and Adventures in Baby-sitting. We made pillow forts and hunted for Mom's stash of Christmas gifts each year. I didn't have anyone to snoop with this year at Christmas time.

I wasn't sure how to move on with this blog after he passed, because honestly sitting down to type and create has seemed too daunting of a task. Today though I feel strong...prompted to share. Heather from Life Made Lovely has shared her heartbreak after losing her son. She said it was her way to grieve and to mourn her son. It was a way for her to move on, while never forgetting him. Reading her struggles and thoughts has strentghen me. I know I need to journal what I am going through.

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Grief is a funny thing....because it is different for everyone. It takes its own time....I know it is through this time that God heals our hearts and one day we're able to look back at our time with our loved one and smile because we got to know them and be apart of their life. I think the pain of the loss lessens a bit. I know it did when my fatherinlaw passed away. We now talk about him without breaking down. We talk about him with smiles because of the amazing man he was. I know someday we will be able to do this with Philip.

I am thankful for family that helps me through this. I don't know how to be an only child. I am thankful for God's Plan and that I don't have to be. When we leave this life it is not final, it is but a stepping stone to an eternal life with God. What joy this truly brings me. It is this one single faith building fact I remind myself of when the darkness that grief offers slips in.

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I know I will see my sweet brother again. I will get one of his famous bear hugs and then probably punch him in the arm for all the tears I have shed because of him. I would only be being a good little sister if I did this.

I am thankful for family and friends that came to honor him at his funeral. For those that sent flowers, dearest sympathies, and prayers. They meant so much to my family.

I am thankful for you readers who have sent emails, commented, etc about your own experiecnes with loss. You have strengthened me and have encouraged me to come back to this blog when I was ready. I know this won't be an easy road ahead, but I am thankful for God's grace in getting me through it.

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I pray for those of you that are struggling. I pray for those of you that are dismayed. God is good and through him all is possible. Families are eternal. Amen.


XO Danielle


44 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you and your family, Danielle. Remember the memories you already have of your brother and cherish them every day, that is what will help you most. You have been, and still are, in my thoughts and prayers ...

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    1. Thank you so much Linda. You're such an amazing friend.

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  2. I am so sorry. And the hard thing to accept is moving on. Though we never forget them.

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    1. Absolutely it is. For Christmas my mom got an ornament for him and added the date. It was our way to remember him and still have him apart of the holiday. Its fnding those little moments where we can move on but still have our loved one with us. Those moments mean so much.

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  3. I've been following you for a while never commented before. As you say the grieving process is different for everyone but I believe the pain of a loss is the same, whenever I read or even watch a movie where someone lost a loved one I go back to that familiar place (we lost our son 1 year and a half ago) where my stomach is in my throat, my chest hurts (physically), and tears roll down my cheeks and my heart goes out to that person. I am very sorry for your loss and although we don't know each other know that you are not alone!

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    1. Thank you Paulina. You're absolutely right.

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  4. Im so sorry sweetie, praying for you.

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    1. Thanks Lauryn. I so appreciate those prayers.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss! I'll send lots of thoughts and prayers to you and your family for strength to get through this incredibly difficult time. <3

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    1. Thank you so much A. We definitely appreciate them :)

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  6. My heart goes out to you. I will hold you and your family in my prayers.

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  7. sweet lady, my eyes are watering.. I am so sorry ! your parent raised a good man that served his country. prayers to your family

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    1. They did. Thank you so much for saying so.

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. I ran across this today and immediately thought of you. Hope it helps.
    http://lemmonythings.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/

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    1. I just read it and it was perfect. Thank you so much for sharing it with me.

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  9. Thank you for sharing. My prayers go out for you and your family.

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  10. I'm sorry again for your loss, Danielle!

    This post couldn't come at better times for me. It's not the same but I had a miscarriage less than a week ago, and grieving went to a whole new level for me. The Gospel does give you a different perspective on life and death but when we lose loved ones, we also lose a piece of our heart... Sending hugs and prayers your way!!

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss. Its so true that we loose a little piece of our heart. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  11. I am so, so sorry for your loss xo

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  12. Oh my....I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I too lost my brother much too young. Prayers for you and your family.

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  13. Danielle,
    This is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read...it is so obvious he was your big brother. I am so sorry this has happened and that you have to go through this incredibly grief....but you are correct in realizing you will be with him again....and I hope that your life without him become a bit easier every time you wake up...just not yet.....he meant too much. Hugs, Sandy

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  14. I am so sorry for your loss!! Thinking about you and your family!

    KK @ Preppy Pink Crocodile

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  15. I'm so sorry for your loss Danielle. I hope you find comfort and smiles in your memories of your brother.

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  16. Very sorry for your loss. A big brother is a special person!

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  17. Danielle,
    my heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Thank you for sharing, and you are right, God is good, and through him all is possible. I pray for you that you will be strengthened, comforted, and at peace knowing you'll meet your brother (with a bear hug;) in the future...
    take care.

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  18. Danielle, I know this was a difficult holiday season for you. It was for me also, as my mother died in September. I was just realizing this week, that I have quit crying at the drop of a hat at every memory nearly so much. I think getting through the first holiday season soon after a loss must be a terrible strain, and maybe it will start to get a little easier now. I know even though I had brought home the crystal goblets she always said she wanted me to have, I couldn't bear to use them for the holidays. It was just too soon.

    I hope you are starting to feel a little better, too.

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    1. You are all so amazing. Thank you for all you share. You are truly the best!

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  20. Absolutely it is. For Christmas my mom got an ornament for him and added the date. It was our way to remember him and still have him apart of the holiday. Its fnding those little moments where we can move on but still have our loved one with us. Those moments mean so much.

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  21. Dear Danielle,

    I'm so sorry to read this terrible news. I wish you all the strength and love in these hard times.
    *hug*

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  22. I'm so terribly sorry for you and your family's loss. It's never easy to lose a loved one and although we fear it, grieving is something that can either help us move forward or pull us back down. It's never easy to talk about it, but for you to take the time to discuss it with us all, shows how strong you are. <3

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  23. Oh Sweetie, my heart just goes out to you, I know you were just pouring tears writing this and I hope and pray that it has helped soothe you by sharing. Sending so many hugs and prayers

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  24. You couldn't have said it better. I didn't know how my mother would react after my grandmother passed away in October. They spent every day together and it still feels like she's on vacation somewhere. But it's true. Life goes on and God loves us enough to give us plenty to move on for, whether it's our crazy children, or having a good laugh with friends. Thank you for your words.

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  25. Hold tight to your memories...

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  26. Thank you for sharing your love and grief for your brother in this space. I hope that in sharing it with us we may help you bear the burden of your grief as fellow sisters and daughters of God.

    Hugs,
    Jill, a fellow LDS sister :)

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  27. I am so sorry Danielle! I grieve with you.

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  28. I am so sorry Danielle! I grieve with you.

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  29. I'm so sorry about your brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.








































































































































































































































































































































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  30. Danielle,
    I am so very sorry for your loss.

    KSinFL

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  31. Danielle,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a brother 21 years ago & the grief was almost unbearable. It takes time to heal. So many emotions flooded me during that time. Emotions I never knew existed. For each of us, grieving & healing is different. So you know, it's ok to be hurt, angry, happy, questioning why, & just plain mad somedays. You will heal, you will move on, but you will never forget all the sweet memories. Those memories are comforting. I'm praying for you. God bless.

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  32. Danielle-
    My father, and all of his siblings passed away within 6 months of each other a few years back.
    The grief is heartbreaking, still to this day.
    Part of my healing was to write a book - of the wonderful memories I had of my Dad and his siblings while I was growing up. Silly stories, stupid stories, loving stories.. . remembering them all and writing them down helped me to get through the grieving process. The first few times I tried to sit and write, I literally sat at keyboard and wept. Eventually, the stories came. And I wrote them down.
    I self-published the book. My children, and my nieces and nephews each have a copy. Now, every time they get a little sad, or feel the need to share something with Pa-Paw, they will open up the book and read a story and we will all laugh over the memories together. It's like my Dad and his sisters are sitting right there with us, laughing at themselves, and sharing the new memories with the kids.
    God Bless you. May he surround you with his love, and may the memories of the great times you had with your brother comfort you now and forever.

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