Blissful and Domestic - Creating a Beautiful Life on Less: Grief

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Grief

 photo Meadow-Flowers-Vintage_zps93dd24cc.jpg

Over the past few days I have typed and retyped this post. I know it is important to record my feelings, but getting the words out has proved more difficult then ever. Those who know me in real life, already know the sadness my husband and I have been going through over the past few days. A few weeks ago we had announced to the world that we were expecting baby number 3. What a happy day it was when we found out. I couldn't hold the news in. We had been wanting another baby for 6 years, but a deployment and then no insurance kept us from that dream. Finally everything was in place....we had insurance and had received a + on a stick. We were ecstatic. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops, I was so excited. I felt like a long awaited prayer had been answered.

Then last Saturday I awoke to symptoms of a miscarriage. I was devastated. I explained to hubby what was going on. He hugged me and told me not to lose hope. I went into urgent care, was given an exam and told to go home and rest. They couldn't tell either way what was happening and urged me to rest and drink a lot of fluids. The next morning I called my doctor at 7am to get into see her. I needed to know what was happening with my baby. I hated the not knowing....being told to be patient...when all I wanted to know was if my baby was ok or not. I felt absolutely helpless. There was no way to stop what was happening. After a doctors visit and an ultrasound, the doctor said either my dates were wrong or it wasn't looking good. I was suppose to be nine weeks, but my baby was measuring 5 weeks and 3 days.  Definitely an unfun ultrasound that day.

I went in for blood work to check my HCG levels. If they were up then my dates were wrong...if they were lower then I was having a miscarriage. Hubby and I waited and prayed. Through all of the days of uncertainty, hubby was there to hug me and wipe my tears. I am so thankful for that man's strength and love. After 1 1/2 days of waiting, I got the call. My sweet doctor told me that the pregnancy was no longer viable. It had been in the back of my mind that things did not look good, but having them confirm it was a whole different world. I had been out shopping with the kids when I got the call. Breaking down in Costco wasn't really an option. I prayed the whole way home to keep it together. I made it home and into the bathroom where I broke down. When you miscarry its like a dream is lost, because when you get pregnant all of a sudden everything is planned out for the year.....I knew I would be really pregnant in the summer, not the best for Vegas, but totally worth it. We would have another little peanut to dress up this Halloween and have with us for the holidays. Now those plans had to change. It is hard....very hard. Thankfully I have wonderful friends and family to help support us.

Then I had an experience one night. I had been counting down the minutes until bed time. I felt emotionally exhausted and all I wanted to do was curl into my bed and cry. Those red heads started begging for stories, which was the last thing I felt like doing. After much pleading on their part, I gave in. As I read, with my littles snuggled in close, I had the strangest sensation...a feeling that we were not alone...that there were many sweet spirits letting me know they were waiting to come down to our family. I had been praying for understanding and strength...This little experience was an answer to my prayer. Heavenly Father wasn't saying no...he was just saying not right now. That body for the next sweet spirit waiting to join our family had not been prefect...It was not the way God intended it to be for that sweet spirit. I am comforted to know that we can try again...that when the time is right...the sweet little body will grow and we will be able to add that third sweet baby to our brood.

I am thankful for the love my Savior has for me. As I have been grieving this loss, one thing has come to my mind often...the sadness I feel is not something I feel alone....my sweet Savior has felt this pain. He has it marked on is hands. When we are downtrodden...feeling the lowest of the low...He will pick us up. He will carry us when we can no longer walk. When I was heart broken, my Savior heard my cry and was there. He is next to us ready to help us through this life, all we need to do is reach out our hand and ask for the help.

Thank you for all of your concerned thoughts. You always make me feel loved and appreciated. Right now I am taking time to grieve and work through this, but know that God is good, He loves us, and through Him we can achieve greatness. Hope is the best medicine. Hope for a better life, a better tomorrow. Through Him all things are possible.


XO Danielle

 photo facebook_zpse39062b3.png photo bloglovin_zps3408f98c.png photo email_zps4380b3c4.png photo google_zps9047e4ac.png photo pinterest_zps65847a58.png photo instagram_zpsf40cb705.png photo subscribe_zpsc0e0adf7.png photo twitterbird_zps52e1bc64.png  photo subscribebuttonbutton_zps144a4bc1.png

72 comments:

  1. Praying for you, Danielle-- that God would give you peace beyond your understanding and would just wrap you and your family in His arms! Let me know if there's anything specific that I can pray about.

    -Bonnie @ Revolutionaries
    www.revolutionariesblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so, so sorry. Praying for you and your family, Danielle.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sorry for your loss. Praying for you, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry! The same thing happened to me with my first child. Heartbreaking and devastating. I still mourn the loss of that little one I never got to hold. My thoughts and prayers are with you <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have experienced this sorrow. I am so sorry. I pray God will comfort and continue to bring you and your family peace.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Danielle - my thoughts and prayers are with you. This post really struck close to home. Our third pregnancy (after two healthy baby girls) also ended in miscarriage. I am a middle-age grandma now, but I will never forget how devastating it was to lose that much hoped for pregnancy. I totally feel for you. God carried us through it too and we went on to have two more fine, healthy sons. Take heart, rest and heal. You are in my prayers today. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So sorry to read this post. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and still think of it often. I'll keep you and your family in m y prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So sorry for your loss but am confident that your perception of things to come is right. Blessings to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Danielle, I'm so sorry for your loss :( So glad to hear you are sensing the Lord's comfort and peace during this tragic time. His love for you and your family is very deep.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Times likes these, words never seem enough. Only hug will do.
    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for you and your family. Peace be with you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. hugs to you during this time of grief. I lost two babies over 20 years ago and still mourn their loss. Since then I've had three more beautiful children. God had truly blessed me and I know He will bless you as well.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say to make this better. Prayers said for you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. I know you were so excited and that such a huge disappointment. I am thanking God that He is so near to you and comforting you. I pray he continues to do so and not only that but that you continue to turn to Him. He will bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I've been there too and it's hard. Hugs and prayers to you!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sending you hugs and prayers. May God's healing hands comfort you during this time.
    Sincerely,
    Suzanne
    Pieced Pastimes

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so very sorry! This happened to me this past Mothers day. I miscarried on mothers day at 9 weeks pregnant, which was the worst day for it to happen. I was devastated. Don't lose hope! We are currently expecting baby #3 this June, and everything is going wonderfully. Our Heavenly Father has a reason for everything, even if we don't understand it! Love to you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I feel for you so badly, I send you my love wrapped in a big hug. XXX

    ReplyDelete
  19. I had a miscarriage after my first two babies. with God's love and my wonderful family-I was able to make it through. I was blessed with 4 more babies & praised God for each one--it will get easier,but you never forget. I still remember my angel baby & it's been 22 years. Peace & love to your family-

    ReplyDelete
  20. I lost a baby after my first two-it was so hard. we were blessed with four more that I praise God for every day! it will get better over time,but allow yourself to cry and mourn. I still think of my angel baby and it's been 22 years. Peace and love to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, know this loss. Time will heal much of the pain. Though you will never forget, every day will get a little better. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, know this pain. Though you will never forget, every day will get a little better. You have a wonderful husband and kids to help you through the pain. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh Danielle, I can feel your heart breaking. I have been there to. Love and compassion to you and your hubby and kids. Like you I often process my thoughts by writing them down. Here is where I wrote about my experience of miscarriage and how I cried out to God. http://myredeemedheart.blogspot.com.au/2011/03/bruised-souls.html . I don't know if it would help, we are all so unique. You are a beautiful soul, mother and wife. Will pray for you from afar.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can't even imagine the pain of going through such a thing...prayers...

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm so sorry for your loss and pray you and your family get through this. A miscarriage can be devastating! I often think of my two miscarriages and what joy my babies would've brought me..but I have a beautiful rambunctious three month old and I couldn't imagine any greater joy :) I love how you stay positive and know with gods help and guidance you will have another adorable munchkin in your midst when the time is right :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thanks for sharing this. I know it's not easy. I have experienced 8 miscarriages myself, and I want you to know that it is certainly okay to grieve. It's also okay to NOT always know HOW to grieve. You may have a range of motions for the next few weeks, but God certainly has you in the palm of His hand.

    ReplyDelete
  27. This is a heart-wrenching loss - one which I have also experienced. One of the most helpful things for me - which some dear soul suggested to me years later - was write letters to my unborn baby twins. I didn't realize how many things I wanted to tell them until I started writing. When you are ready, this might be helpful to you as well. Blessings to you and your family...

    ReplyDelete
  28. so sorry to hear this. I pray for His peace to continue to cover, comfort and protect y'all.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way.

    ReplyDelete
  31. What a beautiful post and what strength and courage you express as you deal with such a profound loss. It's comforting to know that a wise and loving Heavenly Father is there to give you peace and understanding. Prayers to you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  32. You have put into exact words what I was feeling and I went through pretty much the same thing two weeks ago. We too had told everyone and then how does one tell people that there is no baby? It was so hard to tell my three year old who still wants to touch my tummy. It's beyond hard when people somehow missed the bad new and are asking me how many weeks along I am or if I know the gender.

    I was actually at a RS activity when it happened. I had my hands in my lap and all of the sudden I had blood all over my hands and running down my legs. I immediately started crying (lucky there were only women there), went to the bathroom and lots of blood and tissue came out. It was clear right away what was happening. It took another week of blood tests for the doctor to tell me the final bad news. I still feel like a have a pit in my throat every time I think about this whole situation. So, I understand exactly how you feel and am so so sorry you had and have to go through this. Although I am just a stranger follower of your blog, I will keep you in my prayers, because somehow... this happening to us at the same time, makes me feel like I know you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. My love and prayers are with you and your family . God bless. Lisa xx

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thank your for sharing your faith with us. I have learned so much and I thank you for those words!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Danielle, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I went through the exact same thing several years ago, exact same time frame and all (suppose to be 9 weeks along and only showing 5) I already had two children as well, and we were so excited to add our third. When I found out we lost the baby, it was the most devastating feeling ever....one of the darkest times of my life. I prayed throughout this dark time and questioned God as to why he would do this. I believe he told me that I needed to go through this and learn to trust and keep my faith in him despite the grief and that he would be faithful. He carried me through this dark period and since then, has blessed me with two more littles. There is not a day that goes by that I don't still miss that baby, but I honestly believe we will meet in heaven one day. Hugs to you and your family will be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm terribly sorry for the loss that you and your family are going through. I had a miscarriage before I ever conceived with my son. I was 12.5 weeks. Doesn't matter how far along you are...a loss is never easy. If I could hug you in person, I would. Hugs always seem to help bring a sense of peace without saying a word. <3

    ReplyDelete
  37. You and your family are in my thoughts! Many blessings!

    Tenns @ New Mama Diaries

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family. May God bless you with peace and be your strength.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, Danielle. I remember being pregnant with my daughter and praying desperately every night that she would be okay, and that I wouldn't miscarry. I have watched someone that I am very close with go through that three separate times, and a miscarriage was my biggest fear. I pray that God brings you and your family peace and comfort through this very emotional time. Also, I want to thank you for sharing your story; how you can remain so positive and devote throughout this time is truly inspiring. I pray that we all can have your strength. I will definitely be keeping you and your family in my prayers. Good luck and God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  40. I have a couple of special ornaments that I put on the Christmas tree each year to remind me of our lost ones. I have told our now 15 yo and 12yo sons that those are special to me and when they are grown up they will understand why. But for now I just thank God for understanding that the burden of life was too great for those two. Blessings each day as you wait for the time when He blesses you again!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Danielle, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I pray for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  42. So sorry...I pray you get pregnant soon again. You have a little baby already in heaven, one that will meet you when you get there! I've had 4 miscarriages (and 6 children who are now grown) and I think miscarriages can be looked at to further the kingdom of heaven which is infinite and will bring you such infinite joy when you meet your child or any other children you might lose early. But, God knows how sad you are. It is suffering for you, even though you realize the joy your unborn child must be having now.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I'm so impressed with your faith. I'm so glad you shared your story. We lost our baby at 11 months old last Oct. We are still struggling and your words have given me some more strength today.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I am normally just a lurker on your board, but I couldn't just read & run this time. You and your family are in my prayers during this devastating time.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm so sorry Danielle! I have suffered multiple miscarriages over the past 2+ years after successfully having 3 healthy children and no fertility issues. There are a lot of why me's and trying to make sense of the insensible. In the end, you are right, only God knows why and it will happen in His time and as part of His plan. That's what stinks about being human sometimes, is not being able to control painful situations such as this. When I gave up being upset and trying so hard to make it happen, it did. I am now carrying a healthy pregnancy! Many prayers for you and your family and I'm so happy you aren't giving up hope!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through a miscarriage back in 2005, and I can understand your pain. The best thing that I did after my miscarriage were to join a support group (mine was a yahoo group), and it helped quite a bit! Take care of yourself! *big hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  47. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I found out on the 21st that our latest pregnancy was non-viable, making this our third "official" miscarriage and the first as part of infertility treatments. So far I haven't made it past 5wks but I have faith and hope that eventually we'll have a child. I still haven't fully come to terms with everything, but it's getting better - tho every time a should have been due date approaches (and passes) I feel like breaking again. I'm just beyond thankful for an incredible husband and amazing family support system, I can't imagine what I would do without them.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I am so sorry Danielle. I have been there too and the pain can be so hard to bear. This song, a beautiful heartbreak, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyX-I-um5Kk has helped me so many times when I have gone through such painful experiences. Life's direction can change so much and so unexpectedly and sometimes I have asked myself why and then...........something happens and I know part of the reason why. I hope it helps you too. xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  49. I'm so so so sorry. I miscarried my first baby last March, and we have been trying for another ever since. I know firsthand that nothing anyone says can really do much for you. The only thing that ever helped me was a friend told me "maybe your baby was just too precious and special for this world, and Heavenly Father needed to keep them up there with Him." You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. Just remember that God has a plan and will bless you with another little when the time is right. My husband and I suffered a miscarriage before we had our third child. I understand your feeling of loss. Just know that when you are blessed with another child, it will be the addition to your family that God feels is right. I can not imagine our family without our sweet, spunky Sophia.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Robin in PennsylvaniaMarch 4, 2014 at 6:28 AM

    Danielle, I am so very sorry for your loss of your baby, and your brother., you have suffered two great losses in such a short time., your baby may not have been perfectly healthy to be born, but in heaven, she or he is perfect!, and with Jesus and your brother!, I pray that you are blessed to have another baby., it's always important to cherish our minutes and moments with those whom we love!, love, prayers and hugs to your family and you! xxoo

    ReplyDelete
  52. Praying for you....your baby is in God's Hands...do not lose your hope! Hang on to all the promises that God gives in His Word. Rest and take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I totally understand where you coming from I to had a miscarriage almost 10 years ago. The baby would of turn 9 this month. I still thinkabout the baby and I know god as a plan. I am glad you have te support.of your hubby family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  54. You and your family are in my prayers..When GOD says so-it will happen..He has a maste plan for all of us. Blessings to you as your body and soul heals...

    ReplyDelete
  55. (((hugs))) and prayers for you and your family. I have been there twice and have a terminal son, my best advice is give all your feeling and emotion over to our Savior. You child is with Him in perfect peace but it doesn't make it any easier for momma down here to miss her child that she loved so dearly at such a tender age. Continued prayer for you.
    with love in Christ,Neysha

    ReplyDelete
  56. So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you at this hard time.

    ReplyDelete
  57. So sorry to hear about your loss. Praying that God gives you and your family strength during this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Thank you for letting us know about your sweet little miracle. It is so hard to go through this...I have been there three times. My most recent experience was in November and I wrote this post on my blog about it: http://myhusbandissuperman.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-god-gives-you-miracle.html. Your story reminded me of mine a bit and I thought this might be helpful for you to read. I'm tearing up as I think of your grief and how so many women (including myself) have experienced this grief. So much good will come of this...I know from experience. God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  59. I'm sorry for your loss, prayers for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Praying for you and your family. I experienced the same thing this January after losing my father in December. Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  62. I have debated about posting a comment since you first posted this. First, here are the virtual ((Hugs)). I am hoping every day you are feeling a little bit better. I have been there multiple times (after we had our daughter 20 years ago). I always figured God would bless us with another one, but it never happened. The best advice I could give you is to enjoy and love your 'littles' even more since you never know what God has planned for you in the future. Now, instead of having another little of our own I am starting to enjoy the 'little' of my young friend.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I'm sorry for your loss, Danielle. I'm glad you feel the Fathers presence and peace. I've never been able to have children but I can't imagine losing one..how hard that would be. I've added you to my prayer list. Hang in there sweetie and onto to Gods love. What a blessing to have such a sweet man. I have a great guy too. And I'm very blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I just miscarried yesterday. Sounds like we were on the same timeline... we were planning a little peanut before Halloween too... was supposed to be 11 weeks but I looked like 6 on the ultrasound... two days later they confirmed... super bad pain ! No fun... but had surgery and now resting. My first pregnancy. I'm surprisingly okay... I'm not sure I ever truly let it sink in that I was pregnant, yet. I've read your blog since last summer to learn about living on a budget, living green. My prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I just miscarried yesterday. Sounds like we were on the same timeline... we were planning a little peanut before Halloween too... was supposed to be 11 weeks but I looked like 6 on the ultrasound... two days later they confirmed... super bad pain ! No fun... but had surgery and now resting. My first pregnancy. I'm surprisingly okay... I'm not sure I ever truly let it sink in that I was pregnant, yet. I've read your blog since last summer to learn about living on a budget, living green. My prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage with my 3rd pregnancy as well. I def found comfort in knowing that God has a special plan for our family and His plan is perfect. I shared some of my experience and thoughts...http://www.petticoatsandpigtails.blogspot.com/2013/05/giving-thanks-in-all-circumstances.html

    ReplyDelete
  67. Danielle, thank you so much for sharing your heart and trusting us with your grief. I'm so deeply sorry--I pray that God would continue to be close to you and show you and your hubby when the time is right. I'm a Gigi now, (to 4 beautiful tiny girls) but in my twenties I had a miscarriage...the baby would have been my second- I had 3 more but I still think of the little one I have waiting in heaven. sending love sweet one xo

    ReplyDelete

Blissful and Domestic is a place for inspiration and encouragement. Please remember that when commenting. I read all your comments and am thankful for them :)

All comments are moderated. Your comment will appear soon. ;)

If you have a question make sure to leave your e-mail so I can write back. Thanks!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...