Blissful and Domestic - Creating a Beautiful Life on Less: Walking by Faith: How is it that ye have forgotten?

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Walking by Faith: How is it that ye have forgotten?


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If you missed any of my Walking by Faith series posts, you can find them here. I am reading through 52 Life-Changing Questions and journaling about my scriptural journey here on the blog.Come along for the ride and lets inspire one another.

Over the past few weeks, I have been going through quite a trial. I wrote about it here. When we go through trials, it is very easy to feel lost and forgotten. I know this is how I personally feel sometimes when things are tough. Sometimes life is rocky and frankly sometimes it stinks.

When I first suspected I was having a miscarriage, my heart broke. We had waited 6 years to have a baby. Between my hubby getting a second deployment and then being out of work with no insurance...we weren't able to have another little one for quite a while. Choosing to wait was one of the hardest decisions ever. It was one where I knew Heavenly Father wanted us to wait, but I had no desire to follow that guidance. I wanted another baby so very much. Many nights I would cry, while hubby hugged me, reassuring me eventually we would be able to have another one. I watched both my sisinlaws get pregnant twice and my heart would ache, because I so desperately wanted to be able to join their prego party. It was extremely hard to want something so bad and know that now was not the time. Sometimes I was bitter, feeling I was sacrificing more than those around me, not understanding why it was so....frankly it sucked.

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Lost and Found by Greg Olsen

As we went through that time, where having another little one was not on the agenda, I learned to save and it was during that time my family learned to live on $14,000 a year. It was also during that time this blog happened. Things were tough and I can look back now and see why Heavenly Father wanted us to wait. At the time I couldn't see it. I had my blinders on, only seeing what was directly in front of me. Now though, I can look back with foresight and see the blessings God had given us. He gave us time to grow and learn. Those years that we lived on so little, were some of the greatest times of spiritual growth for my husband and I. God pushed us farther than we thought we could ever go.

One night in particular, I felt downtrodden...the lowest of the low. I had found out one of my friends had an oops pregnancy and was not too thrilled about it. My heart ached. I just didn't understand why I had to wait for another baby. I would have loved an oops baby....in fact I was secretly wishing for one. It just didn't seem fair, when I felt I was doing everything He had asked of me.

Then a scripture came to mind...

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28.)

I got down on my knees and prayed that He would allow us to have another little one or that he would at least bring me peace. I didn't want to be angry anymore. While saying that silent prayer, a feeling of peace came over me. I had become so angry and bitter. That feeling of peace was a welcome change. Heavenly Father had heard my prayer. In fact He had heard every single one of my prayers. That feeling of peace calmed me as I received my answer. His answer was not no, it was not now. I realized that everything we were going through, every penny we were learning to save, every trial we had to endure was preparing us. God was preparing us for the family we would continue to grow one day. After that day, things got better. I couldn't have another one right away, but Heavenly Father had comforted me in knowing that some day I would. That everything we were going through was for a reason and that He had not forgotten me.

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Be Not Afraid by Greg Olsen

Why did I give you this huge back story? Well because it is that very experience that prepared me for my miscarriage. When we found out we were pregnant, I couldn't believe it. I took a test at like 5 in the morning. When I saw those double lines I started to cry....like full on sobs in the bathroom. I couldn't believe that God had finally blessed us with another sweet spirit. I jumped onto the bed and woke hubby up. I couldn't wait to tell him. Once he came out of his sleepy stupor, he rejoiced with me. Our prayer had finally been answered.

The next few weeks were amazing. I loved knowing a sweet little one was growing inside me. I couldn't wait to think that by Halloween, we would have a new little chickadee around here. The kids were excited and I seriously couldn't think of anything else. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops..."We're Pregnant!" Every ounce of nausea was completely worth it. 

Then a Saturday came when I realized I was probably miscarrying our baby. My heart broke. It took a full week for the doctors to confirm it. There were a lot of ups and downs emotionally. Moments of hopefulness and then despair when we were finally told that the pregnancy wasn't viable. During those first few days of uncertainty, I just cried.....a lot. While waiting for an ultrasound, during that time, my husband texted me. He told me to stay strong and know that God loved me. He knew that we would get through this. I got out my scriptures and read while I waited. I also read chapter 3 in the 52 Questions book. One passage brought me so much comfort, "We must remember the many things God has done for us. When we are unsure about the future, we must remember the past. When we can't see His hand in our current lives, we must remember when we have seen His hand clearly before". I thought back on those years of praying for a baby. I thought back on the night when Heavenly Father brought peace to my heart. It was again time for me to seek His help. I couldn't go at it alone. My Savior had suffered for me. He cried my tears as He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane. I am engraven upon His palms, just like each and everyone of you.

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Precious in His Sight by Greg Olsen

Our little one's body was not perfect...not the way God intended it to be. That sweet spirit is not lost. I know that soon we will be able to hold that little one, but we must be patient. "The Lord is able to do all things according to  his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him". I hold on to my answer, I received years ago. We will have more children and all of this is for a reason. He has not forgotten me and He hears my prayers.
If He doesn't forget, than we shouldn't either. Never forget that He died for you. Never forget that when we cry, He is right next to us bearing the load with us. He knows our hearts and the burdens we bear. Turn to Him when you are downtrodden. Turn to Him when you are the lowest of the low. Turn to Him because it is through Him that all is possible.

Look back to moments in your life, where you have seen God's hand. Please know that He has not forsaken you. He loves you. No matter gender, race, ethnicity, etc...He Loves You. He hears ours prayers and will deliver us out of the trials we face. Turn to Him and find strength in Him always.

XO Danielle

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12 comments:

  1. I've been following your blog for quite some time and I wanted to let you know that you've been in my prayers lately. I experienced a miscarriage in December and your recent post, as well as this one resonate with me. I blogged about my little one here http://livinthedreamweaver.blogspot.com/2013/12/sad-news.html Your words echo my own feelings and I'm thankful that God gives us others that point us toward Him. I'll pray for you... that you continue to take confidence in your faith and in God's plan for you, even when you're not feeling so sure. Many blessings!

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  2. Sorry for your loss :(
    Keep the Faith!!

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  3. I understand a little bit of that feeling of wanting to be pregnant and it not happening when others around you are. My husband and I were married 15 years and never got pregnant and then last April he died at 37 with no warning. And now, I think, what now? I am 37 and have no prospects and really have no desire too as I am grieving for my husband. It's so hard to be happy with what I have because I do have blessings it's just hard to see them when I feel like so much has been taken away. Through all this heartbreak God has been with me, I don't know the plan and frankly right now I don't like the plan (!) but I know He has one. Thank you for being transparent on your blog.

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  4. What a beautiful and comforting post, Danielle! And I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at the beginning of January after trying for 18 months, and I was heart-broken. And two weeks after that my Grandma passed away. We had a lot of losses, sicknesses and trials in our family in the past year, and in the times like this I felt so lonely. But when I brought all of my troubles to Him, I was comforted! It's still not easy to put one foot in front of another but I'm getting there every day. I know we are not forgotten, and thank you for this beautiful reminder!

    He holds your family in His powerful hand. Hugs to you!!

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  5. A truly beautiful post which truly touched my heart. Thank you for sharing your words, your testimony and those beautiful pictures of the Savior.

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  6. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your struggles and triumph's with us. Your posts really inspire and strengthen me.

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  7. Thank you. For sharing your heart and your Faith. I'm not sure I've ever commented but I have been reading this blog for well over a year. I am going trough one of life's lessons or trials or whatever word fits. I am learning to lean on my faith. You are a wonderful teacher and I wanted you to know that your words showed up when I need them the most. God is listening! I have seen him in my past and I know he is here now. And your words just secured that in my heart and helps with my Faith. I'm truly sorry for your loss, and have every confidence you will have another like you said when the time comes. I too will be better, when it is time. Thank you for sharing as you do. I for the longest time thought I read this blog for recipes and saving tips and I do appreciate those. I now know was suppose to find you and read your words and receive your witness. Thank You Danielle Love & Prayers That nana in Indiana

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  8. I'm reminded of psalm 91 where it states he collects every one of our tears in a bottle

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  9. Just wanted to say what a wonderful post. While we may not always like what God puts us through, it is all for a reason. Sometimes it just takes a little while before it all becomes clear. I'm so glad to hear that you have let your faith guide you, I've watched this kind of thing destroy people, all so unnecessarily. I was very sad to hear of your loss, but you have such a terrific attitude, so often we tend to look the negatives and forget to be thankful for the blessings.

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  10. Thank you for sharing your heart ache!! i too suffered a miscarriage before I ever had any little ones....and in church while in the process and the pain...physical and mental....I cried out to the Lord. I know I will one day meet that little spirit!! I also know some of your desire for another. God gave me such a desire....no an obsession for our third.....and He delivered. That is not to say He will also do it for you....its HIS Will afterall. But I pray your strength and comfort during this season!! You are an amazing mom!!

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  11. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I really needed to hear this today. I need to remember to lean on The Lord during my trials.

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  12. Thanks for the post. I haven't experienced a miscarriage, but my husband and I have been trying for a baby for awhile now. My heart grows anxious wondering if we will ever have children. Your words about God not saying no, but rather saying not just right now are encouraging. I hope your words can be a reminder of God's love to other readers too. I'm very sorry about your loss and pray God will give you and your family the comfort and strength you need to get through this difficult time.

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